As a professional matchmaker, I am often asked “How do I change the type of person I’m attracted to?”

I always start by telling people to look back at their life. What is your family of origin like? Were you raised by an emotionally distant father? Does that make you choose men you constantly have to work at to get attention from?

I recently had a lovely women join Misty River Introductions. As a professional matchmaker I always use caution when bringing up the sometimes-sensitive subject of past relationships. I feel it can really help me get a feel for the type of person someone is attracted to and the pitfalls of past choices that I might do well to avoid.

Ruth admitted that her past relationship was not good, and in hindsight she should have noticed the red flags. She said initially he was amazing, charming, good-looking and attentive.

One of the most common questions I’ve been getting these days is, “Is it worth dating right now with everybody self-isolating and social distancing?”

Surprisingly, we are busier than ever! With everything going on, we’ve still managed to complete many happy matches.

I think it’s important to develop an emotional connection with your match when you first meet them. Obviously, there has to be chemistry, good flow of conversation and some interest on both sides. Right now, I am advising people to spend more time talking on the phone and getting to know each other.

During the first wave of COVID, I heard many innovative dating stories that lead to loving relationships.

One of my favourites involved Veronica who met David at a Tim Horton’s parking lot. They happened to be a couple in their late 70’s and were understandably concerned about keeping safe during this unusual time.

Veronica had said to me that even though she was cancer survivor she was keenly aware that she didn’t want to waste precious years alone. She had been happily married before losing her husband 3 years earlier and currently lived in an amazing condo in downtown Toronto.

David was an avid traveller and had a lovely waterfront home in the Burlington area.

One of the most often asked questions these days when someone new calls us at Misty River Introductions is “how are you handling dating during COVID?”

The irony is that dating services are up by some estimates 300%!

At Misty River instead of our usual face-to-face consultations we are now conducting interviews over the phone, Skype, Zoom or FaceTime. Due to the high volume of people joining, it would be irresponsible of me to go from person to person.

Being in a new relationship is so exciting. It makes your heartbeat faster, the sky seems bluer and the stars shine brighter.

But, dating with children can be a challenge. There’s the coordinating of babysitters, the confusion of when it’s appropriate to introduce a new love interest and the pressure of them making a good impression.

Recently I had a couple that I had matched get together and claim to have instant chemistry.

They met at a dog park and he said the instant she got out of the car he was smitten.

They spent the afternoon together with their dogs and then went on to a restaurant and talked for hours.

For them this worked.

When coming to Misty River Introductions, each new client is usually looking for something different to satisfy their relationship needs.

Some people want marriage no matter what age and stage they are at. Many of the people in their 70’s and 80’s are just looking for companionship without living together. So, they essentially want someone to travel with, have dinners out with and maybe attend theatre or sporting events with.

I’m always a bit surprised when people say “I WOULD NEVER PAY TO FIND A RELATIONSHIP” or “I DON’T HAVE TO PAY TO FIND A MAN.” Those people fixate on the putting out of money and not what they are getting for the money. Our clients see the service being provided and the value of that service. It is an investment however isn’t your relationship/partner something worth investing in?

When you join Misty River Introductions you know the people you are meeting have also invested the same amount. Both the men and women are spending their hard-earned money to join. What you can’t take away from that is that everyone is on an even playing field and they are serious about the process.

These days there is such an emphasis on finding a balance between work and home life. Personally, I think the key to finding that balance is approaching them the same way. Giving them the same weight and respect. WORK IS SERIOUS and YOU WORK AT IT. HOME LIFE/RELATIONSHIPS just sort of happen.

I met with a woman the other day who, at the end of our meeting, she was still unsure about joining the service. This is someone who had researched us, shopped around, visited our website and contacted the office on more than one occasion before ultimately arranging an interview with me. The interest was clearly there. When I asked her the reason for her reluctance, it wasn’t the cost, or the commitment or anything to do with “really being ready for a relationship” that was holding her back. Instead she said, “I just don’t believe “He’s” out there”.

When I first started my career as a matchmaker, I did a lot of work in northern Manitoba, Ontario and Saskatchewan. The problem with working with people living in those secluded areas, is generally men move up north for work in greater numbers than women which creates a gender imbalance. This can make finding the right matches more difficult.

A common mistake I deal with when people are looking to be matched is finding someone who makes everyone else happy before themselves. I always tell everyone they need to look out for themselves. It is their life and finding their perfect match is what should be most important. The rest will figure itself out.

I remember a woman recently telling me that her husband was 6’4” and her sons were 6’4”. She proclaimed that she could not see herself dating anyone shorter than that.

I recently had a widow come to me and say, “I know you’ll never find anyone like my husband.” She had been married to a very accomplished, handsome loving man. I knew from the beginning finding her a match was a very tall order.

I told her the same thing that I’ve told many widowers who have used us with success, “It is possible to meet someone who is just as wonderful as what you’ve had. You just need to be open to the possibilities.”

One of the first matches, at the beginning of my career, was for a very handsome man who had worked for the railway. He went into the post office and dropped off his application. 25 years ago, this was the norm, most of our correspondence was done that way.

I think the postmistress must have been quite impressed because immediately after that her daughter signed up with us, which is how she met her husband.

One of the interesting things about being a matchmaker is that people come to me and say, “I’m really bad at choosing people. The last three relationships I was in, the person treated me very badly. They were verbally abusive and belittling, definitely not the best foundation for a positive, long-lasting relationship.” That’s great to say but in order to find that special someone, you need to change your thinking. I can match you up as much as you want but ultimately, you’re the only one who can choose who you end up with.

Single men frequently come to me to guide them through best practices to ace their upcoming first date with the hopes of getting a second.

The first step in our dating process should come at no surprise… we send all our clients a brief overview of who they are going to be meeting. We always recommend reading through it to learn more about your date’s interests. Armed with this information, you are now ready to bring up different topics of conversation that will keep your date engaged. It is important to remember not to monologue, let her lead you away from that if that’s where it looks like you are heading. Most importantly let her talk/lead the conversation after you have asked your initial question. Not every silence has to be filled with you talking or telling her about yourself. Letting a silence linger for more than a few seconds allows her to ask questions or tell you about yourself.

The longer I’ve worked as a matchmaker the more stories I have about people looking for love.

I was in a dress shop in Toronto with a friend 6 months ago. While I was on the phone I noticed a woman who looked vaguely familiar looking at me. When I got off the phone, she asked me “are you Linda Miller, the matchmaker who owns Misty River Introductions.” As soon as she started talking, I instantly knew who she was.

I often get people who corner me at parties and ask me if people have ever gotten married after meeting using our service. The answer is… of course! Thousands of people have met and married through using different matchmaking services.

The thing about using a matchmaking service is that in our busy complicated lives we often don’t have time to actively look for single people who meet our strict criteria. Sometimes people come to me who have been married for decades and lose a spouse or young people who are too busy working on a career and find themselves closing in on thirty with the dreams of starting a family seeming almost unattainable. What a matchmaker does is become an advocate for you. A good matchmaker is like having a best friend/confident every step of the way on your journey to find love.

In my 25 years as a professional matchmaker, the biggest mistake I see repeatedly is over thinking. I get clients that become absolutely paralyzed trying to decide whether to go on a date or not. They dissect every aspect of the match from personality and hobbies to lifestyle and education. I guarantee that there is no way of knowing who you are going to end up with, just by reading some information provided in a profile. I can however tell you with 100% certainty that you will remain single if you don’t take that leap of faith and go on a date. Waiting for “the one” to appear in profile form is never going to happen. People are a sum of many things and it is impossible to translate that to a piece of paper.